Date your kids.
Parents have given us this advice from several sources. And we’ve done this with Ethan. And now, Evy is “old enough” to have date nights too — she’s old enough to hold a conversation, to have specific preferences, and understand quality time. She’s also been ASKING us to go on date nights (and squeals with glee when we say yes) so it’s now a regular thing.
How do we date our kids? Their “birthday-day” each month is our cue it’s time.
The 21st of the month is date-night-out with Evy. Odd months I’ll take her out, even months Matt takes her out. The 21st means it’s “date-night-in” with Ethan for the other parent.
The 27th of the month is date-night-out with Ethan. Odd months I’ll take him out, even months Matt takes him out. The 27th means it’s “date-night-in” with Evy for the other parent.
What this comes down to is that we get a quality time, one on one, with each kid at least once a month.
Why do we date our kids? To hit all the love languages at one time. To fill their love tank up to the fullest. It’s quality time, likely with gift-of-an-activity (even if it’s free for us), surrounded by words of affirmation and physical touch with an act of service of giving up our time.
We make sure to ask them 3 questions (anything goes!) and they can ask us any three questions. We want to teach and model to our kids how to have intentional relationships.
This weekend I did my date out with Evy at 630pm (out of the house past her bedtime!) and we did grocery shopping just the two of us. We took our time, she talked the entire time….not one squabble or whining (gasp!*). She was so proud to be on a date-night with mommy.
I asked Evy three questions at the end of our date :
- What’s your favorite color? Yellow. And green.
- What makes you happy? Daddy makes me happy.
- What do you like to do outside? Jumping high. And climbing on rocks.
Matt and Ethan put together a lego kit at home which took over 2 hours. They were both in their sweet spot I think.
This is so fabulous.