“Where did you experience brokenness in 2016?”
I heard this question, and it’s been haunting me for about three months.
“We all experience brokenness. Lifelong from our childhood. But what about this last year? What was broken in your life? And how did God redeem that? God redeems and heals all of humanity and creation constantly. Did you fight and resist the healing He tried to do? Did you learn and become more like Jesus? Where did you experience brokenness??”
I did it. I sat down, with my eyes closed, and typed. My list of 8 things came rather quickly and easily, and then silence.
I took each one. Closed my eyes and typed details about that brokenness. And I opened my eyes, emailed it to Matt, and shut the computer.
A month ago I finished a book called “Made Well : finding wholeness in the Everyday Sacred Moments”. My next book I picked up from my “to read” pile, “A broken way: A daring path to an abundant life”.
And I stopped in the living room. BROKEN. There was the word again.
Broken. Healing. Broken. Healing. Redeeming.
The areas these whispers have been is illuminating in our life the last 3 months have been at times overwhelming. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Relationally. Locally. Globally.
TRULY. This is the echo God is whispering to us.
I know it because all of a sudden, I see every issue, every concern, everything and everyone in my life through this lens. Like all of a sudden I have on glasses. Seeing brokenness. Yearning for healing and redeeming. I’ll think of our struggles with the institutionalized church and have a whisper towards something. I’ll think of a specific friend or family member and hear it SO LOUD it’s like I have to see them or I’ll explode. Our compassion kids, and IJM, and Preemptive Coalition all call out. Our parenting choices that need to be redeemed. Areas our bodies and minds that need healing. Teenagers, young parents, my patients, even my coworkers I’m getting legitimate echos.
It’s like the transfiguration happened right in front of me.
I’ve been hesitant to say it and claim it because an echo this strong hasn’t happened in about a year; when we really felt convicted about discipleship. And prior to that, our “anything” year. That voice. We made TONS of real life changes with those. He moved. It hurt. And it healed.
However. I know this voice. You know this voice too in my life. These echos and repeated whispers. The neon signs and subtle moments. And it still weirds me out, drops me overwhelmed, thinking that the God who made the stars is talking to me. Loudly. Repeatedly.
You probably remember my wanderlust, my almost deep-inner need for change or the next thing. Except. Amidst these brokenness whispers, a second whisper came one week ago. “Hover. Stay”. We feel like we’re being told to just BE.
We don’t need to be leading-everything and 200%-involved, or looking for the next thing. Our sin of numbness and stagnancy was addressed 5 years ago and we’ve been changing since. We needed a radical wake up – and God woke us up loudly. Now it’s this strong sense of hover. Hover over our every area of life. Allow for God’s timing to heal a brokenness. Don’t rush it, don’t try to fix it, don’t make changes unless He says it.
Just be okay with the staying-as-is. Don’t worry about being waves or ripples. Don’t worry about making peace or finding joy or forcing growth or being radical. Be OK with staying and hovering with the people and places we have established with intentional purpose over the last five years.
Don’t remove ourselves. Don’t think that hovering means being numb. It’s the opposite.
It’s Being. One foot firmly planted, and one foot hovering….. to step and move when God says step. This is not easy either.
So. Brokenness. (Healing. Redeeming). Being (Hovering. Staying). I’m terrified and excited for what this is prepping us for. There are endless areas and circumstances these echos will impact. And oddly enough we had these two whispers back to back. That’s new.
So here we go again.