My faith has been a journey that I finally see as beautiful and broken. Raised in a Christian home, I accepted the truths of the Bible and salvation at a young age. I was eagerly active as a believer through high school and even chose a Christian college to pursue further education. At the time, I felt I knew all the answers and thought the “Christian life” was overall pretty easy. Love people, avoid certain things, do certain things. check. check. check.
Then as I became more independent as an adult, my need for Jesus became secondary as I lived more for myself. I didn’t really need Jesus because my job provided all my basic needs. Living lazy and in excess became the norm. I continued to practice Christian disciplines, but it was more out of habit than desire. I felt as though I had a real faith, as real as I knew how, but in reality God was inserted when it was convenient for my life.
However in the midst of this life, I found myself lost and restless, struggling with purpose, and trying to figure out “what is the plan?”.
In the last five years, God awakened me out of my fog and has shaken my life in a way I never thought was possible. My eyes were opened to my value as a child of God. That alone, and not a job or talent or life stage, defines me. My story and gifts and passions and trials have all been for His purpose. I realized that even mundane moments of my days are just as important as huge leaps of faith. Finally accepting this truth as an adult shook me to my core and awakened my soul to a sweet life that was just waiting to be discovered.
So my life continued on but with a renewed awareness of Him. I embraced my talents but focused on asking why He has given them to me and how they should be utilized. I started to pull out the roots of selfishness and excessive living and instead focused on simplicity and my community. My relationship with God has become sweet as I interact in the church each week with a new sense of passion as an adult, fully and finally claiming faith for myself.
Every area of my life has changed. I find mentors to guide me through rough times and speak truth in my life; and yet I also mentor others to learn from them and encourage them as they go through their own journey. Money is redefined as a tool and secondary to relationships and community. My choices with time are rooted in people, sustaining and flourishing relationships that are right in front of me. The list can go on endlessly how God impacts my life because He IS my life. Every detail of every day is given to me for His glory.
And I regularly fail. I easily slip back into selfishness. I want ease and comfort and balance. Cynicism creeps in as my default. Pride nudges under my motivations. So this new awakening? I need to FIGHT for it. Every. Day.
Sometimes God talks to me in whispers, nudges, and echoes of a repeated idea or thought. Other times the voice seems so loud that I feel like I’m suffocating if I don’t act on it. I love that my life is just one thread in the story of generations He has created. While it may seem insignificant at times, the worth of every person is of value because of God’s love for us. And that makes my life worth living.
My story moves on. I hope when I’m 85 years old, I think that my 80s was the best decade yet. That it was filled with investing in other people, intentionally living the moments. That it had been my best week yet that I had lived with purpose.
So I carry on. I will win the day.